


land of hope, thy hope is crowned

by androgenius



Series: Dimilix Week [5]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Flashbacks, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Wedding Night, Weddings, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:29:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22788748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgenius/pseuds/androgenius
Summary: Dimilix Week Day 5 - ConfessionsThat's the most frustrating part, perhaps. The fact that she seems like a genuinely good and kind person-- the sort of person that would deserve to stand by his king's side. He stands by Dimitri's side, yes, but-- he knows he doesn't count, not really. He can't provide him with heirs, and--It's not like they love each other, not like that.In which Dimitri takes a wife (or tries to), and Felix has no idea why he doesn't like her.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Series: Dimilix Week [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1634758
Comments: 3
Kudos: 81
Collections: 2020 Dimilix Week





	land of hope, thy hope is crowned

**Author's Note:**

> This fic references a fair amount of medieval (royal) wedding traditions! If you're curious about any of them, you can read more about them [here](https://www.historyextra.com/period/modern/royal-wedding-traditions-history-etiquette-menus-dress-code/)!

"Felix," Dimitri calls out, the sound of boots on stone speeding up behind him. 

He's expected this, of course. 

After all, they just had dinner together. Well-- no. Not the two of them. The two of them and... _her._

Felix sighs. 

"Do you like her?"

He wants to laugh. 

"She seems perfectly normal." He grits his teeth. "Adequate."

"Coming from you, that's almost a compliment."

He knows. 

That's the most frustrating part, perhaps. The fact that she seems like a genuinely good and kind person-- the sort of person that would deserve to stand by his king's side. He stands by Dimitri's side, yes, but-- he knows he doesn't count, not really. He can't provide him with heirs, and-- 

It's not like they love each other, not like that. 

"I really want you to like her, Felix. It's important to me."

"Yeah," he hears himself say, the barebones beginnings of a strained smile coming over his face in the hopes of appeasing his king. "Yeah, I like her."

He doesn't, even if he can't put a finger on why. 

&

"I'm nervous," Dimitri admits, pacing over the same spot for what must be the hundredth time by now. Anxious fingers fiddle with his cuffs only to accomplish nothing. 

"Don't be," Felix says. It's dreadful advice, he knows, but-- he's bad at this. He doesn't want this to be happening in the first place.

They've been courting for months. She practically lives at the castle already. She's perfectly lovely-- kind and sweet and all round edges. Not at all like Felix, who is hard and bony inside and outside. 

Of course he'd want to marry her. 

Watching him pull out the ring to look at for the hundredth time today, it's hard not to feel nauseous. 

He just doesn't know why. 

"Do you think she'll like it?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Felix can't help but sigh. There's a headache coming on. Possibly worse.

"Isn't this just a formality?" 

The ring is perfectly lovely, of course. A Blaiddyd family heirloom once worn by Dimitri's mother, filled with sentimental value and meaning. Of course he'd want to give something like it to his bride-to-be. Of course he'd want someone like her to fill those shoes. She'll say yes, a natural ending to their courtship, and they'll be married in short order. 

He just wishes he could put a finger on what it is that bothers him so much about the idea. Doesn't Dimitri deserve to be happy, finally? Is this him just being a selfish bastard, wanting to keep Dimitri all to himself?

"Well," he starts, blinking down at the ring, "yes. I suppose."

"Then, there you go. Unless you think she'd actually turn you down?"

Dimitri doesn't say anything, which is an answer all on its own, however astonishing it may be.

"Don't be ridiculous," Felix hears himself say, quiet. "Who wouldn't want to marry you? You're..." He takes in a deep breath. "Kind, considerate, caring. You take on the suffering of all those around you, to the point of your own suffering. You're the most selfless person I know. You have a mind for military strategy, but still know how to appreciate a good book. You're a romantic." Unlike him. "I hear women love that kind of thing. And you're--" He clears his throat. "You're... handsome."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're not my advisor just to falsely inflate my ego. I value your honesty more than anything else, you must know."

"Well, in that case, you're obviously hideous and I have no idea how any woman would dare subject herself to being with you." He forces a smile and almost means it.

"Ah, Felix. Must you mock my insecurities so?"

"Hey, you're the one who didn't want to hear the truth." The smile falls just as easily as it was erected, Felix shaking his head. "I'm done blowing smoke up your ass. Get in there and just ask her. She won't say no. She'd be an idiot to say no."

He doesn't expect the hand upon his shoulder, Felix looking up to the sight of Dimitri's smile, warm and brilliant and bright. "Thank you, Felix. Truly." 

Watching him leave, Felix wonders how different his life might have been had he been born a woman, if he'd been an option for Dimitri to marry. 

The thought is cast aside just as quickly as it arose, unbidden. 

&

"You have seemed rather melancholic all day, Felix."

"Not at all," he says, his voice painfully flat, "this is a joyous occasion."

He should be happy. He knows he should be. Dimitri is married, having finally taken a wife and queen. The post-nuptial feast-- meat to aid fertility, chestnuts, pine nuts, and pistachios to excite and spark lust for the night to come-- sends that reminder more than anything else. He's not naive. He knows what has to happen-- what _will_ happen tonight. 

Dimitri has a duty to the crown, to his people, and he's not a part of that, not... in this sense. 

Why, then, is he so miserable?

The food barely even tastes like anything at all.

"Will you be at the ceremony later?"

"I--" Felix cuts himself off, his brain stuttering to a halt. Of course. The bedding ceremony. He doesn't want to go, not by a long shot. This entire courtship hasn't sat right with him, why would he want to watch them consummate their marriage?

"Please, do say you'll go. Your support would mean the utmost to me."

His stomach twists in displeasure and guilt alike, guilt finally winning out in the end. "Yeah," he says, downing the first of what will likely be-- _have to_ be-- many alcoholic drinks.

For a moment, silence descends, Felix re-spearing the same piece of asparagus for what must be the tenth time tonight. "Dima, if we--"

The clink of silverware against glass interrupts him, one of the older nobles having evidently decided to propose a toast to the lovely young couple.

"Tell me later," Dimitri whispers with a soft smile, but Felix already knows that he won't. He barely even knows what he was going to say himself.

&

There is a glass of spiced wine in his hand, but Felix barely even remembers how it got there. 

All he really remembers is being asked to aid Dimitri in undressing down to nothing but a shirt and walking to his new bedchamber with him. 

He feels sick to his stomach, and none of it is from alcohol. Even Dedue felt the need to remark on how miserable he looks, and he feels the sentiment in his very bone marrow by the time he's standing here, noticing the grain of the wooden floorboards beneath the lacquer, the scuff marks on his shoes-- entirely inappropriate for a wedding-- and the weight of his very body. He barely even feels present in the room. It's like he's floating, more than anything else, barely-tethered to reality. 

Dimitri is sitting on a bed befitting his status, the woman beside him as foreign as she is familiar. She doesn't... belong here, his brain tells him. It's all wrong.

Not that _he'd_ want to be at the center of all this attention, having friends and family around to witness him having sex for the first time. But--

He takes a sip of his voidee, only for it to taste like nothing. Time feels immaterial. 

He wishes he could just leave. 

Atop the bed, the sheets only reach up to mid-calf on Dimitri as he hovers over his new wife, skin against skin. It's just their legs, but it's already more than enough for Felix, who does not want to see them kiss, as well. 

"I'm not watching this," he mutters to no one in particular, and leaves the room, feeling impossibly dizzy.

He needs fresh air. 

&

They're six when the promise is first made. 

The room reserved for the castle seamstresses has always been their favorite place to play, especially at night. They've never been particularly fond of the two boys when brought together, all because they're undeniably boisterous and inevitably spill or tear something. But at night, when it's just the two of them and the moonlight streaming through the windows, no one is any the wiser. 

Which is exactly how they get their hands on a large bolt of white fabric, Felix wrapping himself in white.

"I want to marry Dima when we grow up."

Dima smiles, bright and wide and easy, as though Felix inspires nothing less than joy. "Felix would be a good wife. Do you want to be queen?"

"I'll be a queen if I have to. I just want to be with Dima always."

"We see each other a lot."

"Not enough. I never want to leave Dima's side."

A soft laugh escapes the young prince. "You always say that. I don't get it, but it's nice."

"I want to be a good wife and queen if it means I can stay with Dima."

"I'll tell you a secret," Dima says, pulling Felix up to stand by his hand to whisper in his ear, the latter still clinging onto his makeshift white dress. "I want to marry Felix when I grow up."

&

One moment, Felix is there. The next--

Dimitri blinks at the doorway where he ought to be, suddenly wishing he wasn't right here in this moment. Felix should be here. He needs-- needs Felix to be here. 

Leaning down to embrace his new wife, he presses a soft kiss to her temple, just hoping that it's enough for the audience to finally leave. He needs a moment to himself, and this is-- far too much. 

Slowly, the onlookers file out, evidently satisfied. 

"I am sorry," he tells her, the door having finally closed upon the last of their visitors. "There is something I must do."

&

He's not sure he's ever been so grateful to Dedue before-- for clearing the second exit from the bedroom, for knowing where Felix went off to, and for always seeming to know him better than he knows himself.

"He's out on the bridge," he informs him while handing a robe off to Dimitri to pull on over his shirt. 

"Thank you, Dedue. I am grateful."

But Dedue knows this, and no more time is wasted in his efforts to get to Felix. 

Felix, who really shouldn't have been part of him consummating his marriage. Felix, who shouldn't have needed to be. Felix, who means more to him than anyone else in the world. 

"Felix."

He doesn't seem startled by his presence, not even bothering to move from where he's perched on the bridge's railing, looking out over Faerghus.

"Shouldn't you be in the royal bedchamber right now? Or am I to believe you're already finished?"

"Felix," he says again, as if just saying his name might bring up the other words he should be saying right now. He allows himself a slow approach, but even then, Felix doesn't move.

"You'll catch your death out here without shoes on."

Dimitri lets out a soft laugh, unable to help but smile. "Ah... thank you for always worrying about me." 

"That wasn't--" Felix huffs out a sigh, frustration coloring his features. Dimitri isn't sure why he would be angry, but it's hardly the first time. "Just go back inside, will you?"

"Do you remember the promise we made when we were little? In the sowing room?"

"That wasn't a promise." He seems to catch his admission a second too late, Felix's face turning a brilliant shade of red. "No. I don't remember anything."

"Is that why you left?"

Felix bristles.

"No." Then, turning to look at him, Felix frowns. "Why are you here, boar?"

"It's been a long time since you called me that."

"Why aren't you in there fucking your new wife?" 

Even now, Felix struggles to meet his eyes, Dimitri letting out a soft breath. "You disappeared so suddenly. I... wished to check on you."

"Check on me? _Check on me?_ What am I, a child? I don't need you to moderate my emotions for me. I'm perfectly capable of that on my own."

"Felix."

"No," he says, crossing his arms. Behind him, Felix's cape flutters in the wind, breathtaking. "Tell me why you're really here. Why you've come out here to freeze your ass off, because I can guarantee you, it's not for something you could have just as easily done after you were finished coming."

"Felix."

"Couldn't get it up? Is that it? Are you here for tips? Because if so, I'm pretty sure you've got the wrong person."

"Felix, please--"

"And why even bring that up? About the promise that wasn't even a promise? I said I wanted something and you said you wanted the same thing, and now look at where it's gotten us? Nowhere. Because obviously you didn't want that at all. Which I guess makes you _a liar--_ " 

Felix's voice cracks. His shoulders are trembling, something seeming to have stoppered his throat. Dimitri dares to take a few steps forward, and then a few more, his hand reaching out to touch Felix's cheek.

"I left because I was more worried about you than I was about her or my duty as king. Because not having you in that room seemed unthinkable to me, Felix. And then I realized that you'd never be in that room ever again, and I... suppose I should have figured out the conclusions of that sooner." 

Though Felix's eyes are damp, Dimitri does not comment on them. 

"I'm in love with you, Felix."

"What?"

"I want to marry Felix now that I'm grown up."

"Don't be ridiculous--" This time his voice does crack, fresh tears spilling their way down his cheeks. "You have--" He angrily wipes at his eyes, his gaze firmly fixed on the darkened horizon, anywhere but at Dimitri. "-- duties. Heirs to produce. You're married now--"

"Not yet," Dimitri says, his voice soft as his hand when it comes up to cradle his cheek. "Do you still want to marry your Dima, now that you're grown up?"

Grabbing hold of his front, Felix pulls him down into a kiss that he can only assume is meant to be his answer, one that Dimitri is all too happy to respond to. 

He isn't soft like any woman, but-- soft was never his style, anyway, and by the time they part for air, they're both breathless, Dimitri's thumb daring to rid Felix's cheek of his tears. "You haven't changed a bit since we were kids."

"Neither have you."

"Does this mean you will cease calling me a boar, my beloved?"

" _Sothis' tits,_ don't let anyone hear you call me that," Felix says, his every feature dusted in red. "Especially not your wife."

"We'll figure it out."

&

They do figure it out. 

And when it's Felix beneath him in his bedchamber, Dimitri feels not even an ounce of hesitation. Kissing him feels... natural. Exploring his body, mapping it out, feels like a treasure, one he wishes to spend the rest of his life memorizing. And when he does finally push inside of him, it feels nothing short of euphoric. 

Even there, he is gifted with the sweetest noises from his lover's mouth, and Dimitri thanks his lucky stars.

**Author's Note:**

> I've tried to leave it vague so that you guys can decide whether Dimitri full on breaks it off with his not-quite-yet-wife so he can marry Felix, or if they enter into a lavender marriage while he and Felix remain together in secret. Either way, though, they're happy, and that's all that matters <3
> 
> Come yell about dimilix with me over on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/androugenius)!


End file.
